Letters For Us
by FandomObsessedBunchesofFeels
Summary: Hazel finds comfort in writing letters back to Augustus... So much so that she fails to notice the new little life sparking within her. Hazel soon finds herself pregnant with a dead man's child.
1. Chapter 1

**Letters For Us**

**Chapter One**

"Maybe, you should write him back."

"...What?"

"He wrote you one last letter, even if it wasn't sent directly to you, it was still about you. Maybe if you wrote him one last letter, it might give you some closure. "

Issac's idea had seemed absurd at first, but I considered it. Ever since Augustus died, I had seemed ill. It had made me feel so happy and at peace after I read the letter he wrote to Van Houten about me at first. But it only made me miss him more. It only made me miss his poetic words so much more then. I spent countless nights crying in my room, the pain of having lost him all too great.

I didn't want to do anything anymore. I didn't want to watch ANTM, I didn't want to read An Imperial Infliction, I didn't want to do any of the things that had made my life worth living before Augustus.

So, I decided to take Issac up on his suggestion. I wrote to my dead boyfriend.

_Dear Augustus,_

_Maybe this will give me closure like Issac said, I'm not too sure. But, I just guess I never got to say how much I loved you. Or maybe I did. I honestly don't remember any more. It's been so hard without you this past while, I'm not even sure how I've made it. I know that sounds so sappy, but it's been rough for me. You meant so much to me and brightened up my worthless little life. I love you, Augustus. I love you more than all than infinity. I love you more than oblivion itself. I love you, Augustus Waters, and I so dearly wish I could have you back._

_Sincerely, Hazel_

Surprisingly, writing that letter to him made me feel like a great weight had been lifted off my chest. I let out a deep sigh, shuddering as I did. What was I supposed to do with this letter now? Take it to his grave? Anyone could come by and read it. I decided to just put it away for the time being and figure out what to do with it later. I folded it in half and placed it in my desk drawer. It made me feel more calm, maybe somehow thinking that Gus had read that letter as I wrote. I wasn't sure why it helped so much, but it got the feelings out. It made me feel at peace again.

* * *

Remember before when I said I seemed ill after reading Augustus' letter? I had been referring to my depression I guess, but now it seems I wasn't joking. Yes, of course I still have cancer, but, it doesn't seem to be too bothersome as of late. But, I don't think what's happening now is a cancer side affect. In fact, it isn't. I know it isn't. I've had cancer since I was 13, and puking nearly every morning isn't the normal side effect for me. I began getting sick sometimes in the middle of the night or in the mornings. It was a little concerning, but I had refused to eat a few times, maybe the change in my digestion schedule upset my stomach. That's the conclusion I had come to. Though, that conclusion was wiped away when I finally noticed the lack of my monthly bleeding. I noticed that I was late. Very late. I hadn't even been keeping up with my menstrual for the past month or so. I just hadn't paid that much attention... I was surprised that I hadn't noticed sooner, but maybe my fits of crying and despair had kept me from noticing. But since I wrote my letter to Augustus, I've been better, and maybe that's what helped me notice.

This morning at about 4 A.M. was incredibly grueling as I awoke with the putrid acid rising in my throat. I was able to quickly disconnect from my machines and rush to the bathroom as quickly as I could. It burned so bad. The vomit flowed from my mouth in a disgusting rush, burning it's awful tastes as it did. After about 15 minutes slumped over the toilet, I finally managed the strength to haul myself from the cold, bathroom floor. I used the counter top on the sink to get up, trying to steady myself over it. I was still very shaky from the pains of hacking up bile and forcing it out of me. My hands were shaking wildly, but I ignored it as I turned the faucet and let the water run. I splashed some water into my face, then washed my mouth out. I would have brushed my teeth too, but I didn't want to spend any more time in the bathroom, fearing I had woke up my parents already.

Yes, the idea had already crossed my mind... But, it couldn't be possible. Not at all... I had only done that once. One time, and that was months ago... months... But how many months... Oh God... 2 or 3 months... Maybe I am, maybe the symptoms are just setting in... Sometimes morning sickness doesn't happen for a few months...

Oh God...

What if I'm pregnant..?

...and what if it's Augustus' child?


	2. Chapter 2

**Letters For Us**

**Chapter Two**

I honestly couldn't form any coherent thoughts now. I couldn't believe this at all. How could I have let this happen?! How?! I already have cancer, now I have something else to weigh down on my health... I shouldn't have let this happen, we should have been more careful! This kid probably won't even make it to the fifth month without problems from my stupid body and my stupid cancer...

I felt my emotions swarm in a storm inside of me. I started to think of Augustus... How he would have wanted to know... How he would have been such a good dad... Then I started to think about how many problems I'll have, and this kid will have too... I'll put it through hell, and it probably won't even survive! As all these thoughts hit me at once, I started to break down, right there at the bathroom sink. Face red, eyes puffy, hot tears streaming down my cold cheeks, and my throat feeling like it had an awful lump in it as my emotions flew at me. My choked gasps for air as I struggled to breathe from my sobbing where very loud, and suddenly I feared of waking my parents.

Oh God, what would they think?! They-They'd be horrified... Maybe.. I wasn't quite sure as to how they'd react at all. Would they be happy? Sad? Angry? I had no idea at all. I could vaguely see my mom as being happy at the thought of having a grandchild, but she'd immediately think of my health and the strain it'd put on me... I didn't know about dad. He was a crybaby, he'd be in worse tears than I was now...

Oh hell, what am I saying. I don't even know if I am or not... I could always just be sick... And, maybe, my medication has been messing with my hormones and such... It's happened a few times before, but it usually only made it about a week or two off, not a few months... Christ, I was absolutely sure. I was pregnant. I knew it, there was no second guessing here. I was pregnant with a dead man's child.

I was able to stop my tears and calm down for a few minutes. I took a few deep breaths (proving to be a little difficult from my shitty lungs) and looked at myself in the mirror.

Hazel Grace, what have you done? I thought as I laid a hand on my abdomen where the almost-definite-child of Augustus Waters laid.

* * *

**_I apologize for this extremely short chapter, I have big plans for this story! I've just been so busy lately, getting out of school and moving across the country has been a bit stressful! I'll try and keep to this fic, though I do have so many fanfics I'm juggling at the moment, a lot of them on hold or hiatus. Though, please please please review and tell me what you all think so far :) I've seen quite a few fanfics where Hazel has gotten pregnant on this site so far, though, when I started this, I went ahead and checked to see if there were any, and I saw none! But that was a month ago... Maybe I helped start the pregnant Hazel rebellion ;)_**

**_ANYways, review, and I love all of you who have so far, it really means a lot to me, and please do keep reviewing! Tell me what you think! Comments, thoughts, or suggestions, whatever you'd all like!_**

**_Also, excuse any spelling or grammar errors, I typed this when I was especially tired, but I did double check it, and I didn't find any errors, but, maybe I missed some. I dunno. I talk too much, don't I? Yeah, I do. Okay, I better stop before this author's note is longer than the tiny bit of fic itself. I promise a longer chapter next time!_**

**_Adios!~Love you guys! _**


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